Loss Experts

We just wrapped up the second book in our series and have our meeting tomorrow to go over what we learned and to receive Book #3. Book #2's title is 'Understanding Separation and Loss'. According the text we as potential foster/adoptive parents must become loss experts. At first I took this as a challenge... "Yes! I will become a Loss Expert" (in my best "Super Mom" voice). But the more and more I read into the workbook, the more and more impossible that seemed. Webster defines an expert as being a person having great knowledge, experience or skill in a certain field. I personally hope that I never qualify as a true expert in loss.
Children who enter care experience many losses and separations along the way. It is really sad to me that ones so young DO end up being loss experts. They start out with the loss of their parents whether it be by abandonment, death, or court order. From the very start of the process, they are dealing with things that no child should ever have to face. Then they enter foster care. Some children end up living in a few to several different foster homes over the years. Each move means more separation and more loss. They leave behind the adults who cared for them as parents, the other children who were as close to them as siblings, the stability of the routine they learned in that home, the comfort of their surroundings... and they start over. Most will eventually be adopted into permanent homes, but many will stay in the system until adulthood and leave foster care having never officially joined a family. 

 We often take for granted what we have. We don't see how blessed we are to have our simple lives... to live with our birth family in ONE (maybe two) homes, but always with our own family. We don't realize how many children just wish they could have that.
However, the children are not the only ones who experience loss through the process. The birth parents have to watch their child be taken from them, not really knowing if or when they will be able to get them back. If they work with the agency and make the necessary changes, they WILL eventually return home, but it is a process that can take some time. If the child is returned to their parents, then the foster parents will experience a loss when they leave. Some children will stay with a few different families during their time in care. Each change equals a loss to the foster parents and to the children. 

The ones no one really thinks about are the agency workers. They also experience loss. Society sometimes has a way of painting social workers as villains out to steal our children and give them to other wealthier families. NOT THE CASE AT ALL!! Social workers have the interest of each child at heart. They don't want to see children removed from their parents' home. That is why they take such care in creating a plan to have them reunited as quickly as possible. That is the ultimate goal, but sometimes it is not possible despite the social worker's best efforts. At this point the social worker experiences a loss. The loss of the hope of reuniting a family. This family will never be "whole" again. That's a lot of weight to carry even knowing it's not their fault. And with each move that they watch that child have to make, that burden will get heavier and heavier. you would think that the child finally being adopted into a forever family would relieve all the pressure, but what you have to understand is that it brings about a different kind of loss in itself. To this point, the social worker has been in charge of the child and been in close contact with them. Upon adoption, the child will be in full custody of the adoptive parents. The social worker will fade to the background and out of the child's daily life.
The entire process of foster care and adoption is full of separations and losses that will affect all involved. God gives us hope for these times in the Bible. He offers us comfort during our pain. He is the truest Loss Expert.

'Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.' - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

'Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.' - Matthew 5:4

'For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.' - Romans 8:18

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' - Isaiah 41:10

'and He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away' - Revelation 21:4

5 Comforting Psalms About Grief

'The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.' - Psalm 18:2

'This is my comfort in my affliction, That Thy word has revived me.' - Psalm 119:50

'For Thou dost light my lamp; The LORD my God illumines my darkness.' - Psalm 18:28

'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.' - Psalm 23:4

'My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.' - Psalm 73:26

My prayer today is for all those involved in the foster care and adoption process.  I am thankful for those who bear the burdens of being the social workers and the foster parents. I pray that they will all feel the comfort and love of God surrounding them; that they will have the strength and courage to carry on in the hard times knowing that better times are ahead.  I pray that all those who are experiencing loss know that they are never truly alone, because God is always with them, and He will never forsake them.  He will guide them through to the dark and into the light of His plan for them. And I pray that through it all God receives all the glory and that everyone will know God and His works for the miracles they are. I also pray for the ministry that will come from it all as the testimonies unfold, and people tell of what God has done in their lives. These things I ask in Jesus name. Amen.