A Parent's Love

The fact that Mike and I are going to adopt came as a surprise to many people.. including us!  :)  So far, everyone has been very supportive. Reactions to the news vary from that of excitement (as if we had actually announced we are pregnant again) to that of shock and hesitation (as if the word "adoption" in general scared them). Once the initial shock wears off, we get pretty much the same responses and questions...

"Do you really think it'll be the same as having your own baby?"

"Do you really think you'll be able to love it as much as a baby of your own?"

Then you have the all-knowing ones that skip the questions, and go straight for the punch..

"There is no way it will ever be the same."

"You will never be able to love it the same as you do the ones you carried. You're skipping all the bonding time."

Yes, I have to admit.. I have myself questioned my own ability to love a baby which I did neither carry nor deliver. But after much thought and prayer, I have decided that I absolutely can, will, and already do.

A woman begins to attach herself to her baby from the time that she finds out that she is going to be a mother. While I am not pregnant, I am still going to be this child's mother, and I am just as excited about that.

Her love for her baby grows and grows  throughout her pregnancy.  She wonders what her baby will look like and be like. She spends countless hours preparing for the arrival of her little blessing. Though I will not get to experience the growing pains and the in-tummy acrobatics, I do still dream about what our baby will look like. She may not have my brown hair or Mike's blue eyes, but she has our love. And I do also have the joy of being able to plan and prepare a beautiful nursery  (Yay!  :)  ).

But the one thing every mother knows is that there is no bonding moment greater than that moment when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time... that moment when it all becomes real and you can see, hear,  hug and kiss your baby.  We look so forward to that moment. Our family and friends are excited and look forward to the "new arrival", and I fully believe it will be just as celebrated as the two babies we did conceive, carry and deliver.

When I consider the questions concerning my ability to love our future baby, I am also reminded of how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with Matthew... scared and excited at the same time. The adoption path is new to me, just as motherhood once was new to me.

I remember being pregnant with Matthew and asking myself, "Will I really love this baby?"  "Will I be a good mother?" In truth, the fear of not loving Matthew vanished the instant I saw his little face. And as for being a good mother.. all any parent can do is their best and be a loving, praying parent for their children.

When I was pregnant with Gabe I worried again.  "What if I didn't love Gabe as much as I love Matthew?"  What if I'm not able to share my love equally?" "What if one feels slighted or less favored?" The reality in this is that children are human, and "That's not fair" and "He's your favorite" are going to be a part of their vocabulary eventually. There is no escaping sibling rivalry. With age and maturity that may or may not change. But as a parent you love BOTH of your babies for the individuals that they are.  Do you love them the same? No. They are unique individuals, and you love them in unique ways. Do you love them equally? Well, how can you measure love at all? 

Would you be lost without either one of them? Yes.

Would you do anything for them? Yes.

Would you give your life to save theirs? Yes.

Then, yes, you love them equally. 
No need to question the small details when the biggest questions give you the answer.

In conclusion, adoption is very new to us, but we look forward to all the experiences that we'll have along the way.  We look forward to meeting our beautiful new baby, and welcoming her into our family.  To us, she already is. We are excited about the idea that little Gabe is going to be a big brother, and we know that he will be just as amazing in the role as Matthew has been.  :) I cannot say enough about how good God has been to us and about how great are the works He does in our lives. Just when you think you are blessed beyond belief, He does it again! Nothing is bigger than our God.  No matter how big the task he calls us to, our God is faithful, and He will meet our needs and see us through to the ending.

Adoption... God's Heart

I've heard it said time and time again that life doesn't come with an instruction manual... not the case actually. The Bible is our complete "How To Guide" for life and all it's happenings. (You also have a 24/7 support line to God called "prayer".) The Bible gives us models of how our relationships should be and counsels us on how to deal with problems within them.  It teaches us about forgiveness and mercy, how to be strong and brave during times of adversity, and to have faith through it all. But my favorite part is that in it God reveals His heart to us.  This part is very near and dear to me... adoption.

1.  God has a heart for adoption.
   

   Psalms 10:14,17-18  You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more.

   Psalms 68:5-6  Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families.

   Hosea 14:3  In you the orphan finds mercy.

2. Our very salvation is an adoption. In our adoption, we are set as equals with Jesus, co-heirs in glory.
   

   Galatians 4:4-7  When the time came to completion, God sent His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba, Father!” So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.

   Ephesians 1:4-6  For He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in His sight in love He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to His favor and will, to the praise of His glorious grace that He favored us with in the Beloved.

   Romans 8:16-17  The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.  Now if we are children, then we are heirs —heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

3. We as Christians also have a call to adopt and to help the less fortunate.

   James 1:27  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

   Matthew 18:5  And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me.

   Matthew 25:40   “And the King will answer them, ‘I assure you: Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me.’

   Deuteronomy 24:19  When you are harvesting your crops and forget to bring in a bundle of grain from your field, don’t go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigners, orphans, and widows. Then the LORD your God will bless you in all you do.

   Isaiah 1:17  Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows.

There are countless examples of compassion toward the needy and less fortunate in the Bible, including the compassion that God showed us in sending Jesus.  Examples of adoption in the Bible include the stories of Moses (Exodus 2:1-10) and Esther (Esther 2:15). Also consider that Mary and Joseph did not conceive Jesus, as he is the son of God. They raised Jesus, cared for him, and loved him as their own, just as in an adoption. We feel so blessed that God has called us to a cause so near to his heart, and we pray that God continues to bless us and guide us on our journey.

The Little Things

We got this Fortune Cookie while eating lunch on June 8th. I have never before seen a cookie with this message inside. It just goes to show that God can use anything (even a fortune cookie) to encourage us. Thank you Lord for all of the "little things" in life.

God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called...

It's an amazing thing when you can recognize God working in your life. It's the the plans and goals that you know are too great for you to have come up with yourself. That's exactly what adoption is for us.
If you'd have asked us 5 years ago if we would adopt, we would have probably said, "Ummm, no". Not because we were ever against adoption. But because we were newlyweds, and babies weren't even on our minds.
If you'd have asked us 3 years ago, we would have said, "Why adopt?" I was pregnant with Matthew at that time. After all, who needs to adopt when you can conceive and carry on your own?? Right??
While pregnant with Matthew, I struggled with sudden rapid swelling, weight gain and high blood pressure. This was soon diagnosed as Preeclampsia. On July 4, 2009, at just 27 weeks, I went into labor with Matthew. Upon arrival at Southeast AL Medical Center (Dothan, AL), I was examined and found to be 1cm dilated and progressing. The decision was made to transfer me to UAB, as the chances were good that I would have a baby that night. Before transferring I was checked once more and was at 2cm. At the rate I was going, I should have been around 4cm by the time we got to UAB. We prayed all the way there for our baby. That if it was God's will that he be born that day, that he would be healthy and strong. I remember feeling such a peace come over me. When the doctor at UAB examined me, he looked puzzled. He stepped out of the room without saying a word, and another doctor came in and examined me. After looking through my chart a minute, he looked at me and asked, "Why are you here?" Turns out, I was not dilated at all. I was back to a completely closed cervix, no contractions, no pain, nothing. I stayed the night and went home the next morning. I continued to have extremely high blood pressure. It stayed in the 200s for the rest of the pregnancy. On September 7, 2009, Matthew made his debut weighing 6 pounds, 8 ounces and measuring 20.5 inches long. At 35 weeks gestation, he needed no extra care. He was perfectly healthy... a blessing from God.
We had planned to space our babies two years apart, but God had other plans. We started trying in January 2011. Month after month went by and no positive pregnancy tests. After 5 months, we began talking about the possibility of fertility treatments and wondering if Matthew would be our only child. One day at church, our preacher shared a message about asking God to show us our purpose in life. He stated that each person was created with a purpose, and we should pray and ask God to reveal our purpose to us. I prayed and prayed that God would show me my purpose. One day he answered,"the children". I had no idea what this meant. Should I go back to school to be a teacher? Should I open a daycare? Should I teach a Sunday School class? So a prayed for clarity... Then one day He answered again, "adopt". I started really thinking I must be absolutely nuts, or just desperate for another baby. I knew adoption was a long process, and I had heard it was very expensive. I just didn't know if I was that kind of person, if we would qualify, or if we would be able to afford the process. There were just so many more capable families out there. To me, adopting was something that only wealthy people with big houses could do. Neither of which described us. Then I remembered "God doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called." I talked to Mike about it, and we prayed on it together. We knew it was God's will. The only question left was "When?"
On Father's Day 2011, after 6 months of trying, we got a positive pregnancy test. We never forgot about adoption, we talked about it often. We loved the idea, but we just couldn't figure out how we could even afford it with one son and another on the way. I did a great deal of reading up on adoption.. the process, the cost. I found out that it was in fact a long process, but that it wasn't as expensive as I had always heard. There are grants available to help cover a majority of the expenses. This helped ease most of my financial concerns.
Toward the end of my pregnancy with Gabe, I started having those old familiar blood pressure issues, but this time I was diagnosed with Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. On January 27, 2012, Gabe arrived weighing 7 pounds, 8 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. Gabe, like Matthew, was also born at 35 weeks gestation.
While Gabe was also born quite healthy, my doctor advised against my getting pregnant again. The fact that my blood pressure has sky rocketed into the 200s during both pregnancies was a huge risk to take again. We had been truly blessed to have completely healthy little boys both times and didn't feel the need to "press our luck".
When Gabe was just a few weeks old, the call came again... adoption. It felt like a crazy time to even consider adoption with just having brought home our newborn. But then we remembered that the process is a long one (1 to 3 years in most cases). If we were to start now, Gabe would be at least a year old before a new baby would join our family. Mike and I talked about it and prayed on it. We knew it was time to start. I started really digging in.. looking up the specifics and searching different agencies. Every question we had, God placed the answer right in front of us. Almost instantly in many cases. When that happens, you can be assured it is nothing short of God's guidance on the situation. We have felt him with us throughout the process. We have chosen an agency. We are working with Agape of Central Alabama. We are very pleased with our experience so far. We are about to start a series of classes that we must take as part of the process. As I said before, it's a long process. But we have a loving family and friends that we know we can count on, and a mighty God that has been and will be with us every step of the way. It is a path that I can explain in no other way than "God's will". Only He could have planned out such a wonderful journey. I feel blessed that He has called us not only to be the parents of two wonderful, beautiful sons, but that he has now blessed us with the opportunity to be the family of a child in need! Thank you Lord for all of your many blessings.