A Parent's Love

The fact that Mike and I are going to adopt came as a surprise to many people.. including us!  :)  So far, everyone has been very supportive. Reactions to the news vary from that of excitement (as if we had actually announced we are pregnant again) to that of shock and hesitation (as if the word "adoption" in general scared them). Once the initial shock wears off, we get pretty much the same responses and questions...

"Do you really think it'll be the same as having your own baby?"

"Do you really think you'll be able to love it as much as a baby of your own?"

Then you have the all-knowing ones that skip the questions, and go straight for the punch..

"There is no way it will ever be the same."

"You will never be able to love it the same as you do the ones you carried. You're skipping all the bonding time."

Yes, I have to admit.. I have myself questioned my own ability to love a baby which I did neither carry nor deliver. But after much thought and prayer, I have decided that I absolutely can, will, and already do.

A woman begins to attach herself to her baby from the time that she finds out that she is going to be a mother. While I am not pregnant, I am still going to be this child's mother, and I am just as excited about that.

Her love for her baby grows and grows  throughout her pregnancy.  She wonders what her baby will look like and be like. She spends countless hours preparing for the arrival of her little blessing. Though I will not get to experience the growing pains and the in-tummy acrobatics, I do still dream about what our baby will look like. She may not have my brown hair or Mike's blue eyes, but she has our love. And I do also have the joy of being able to plan and prepare a beautiful nursery  (Yay!  :)  ).

But the one thing every mother knows is that there is no bonding moment greater than that moment when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time... that moment when it all becomes real and you can see, hear,  hug and kiss your baby.  We look so forward to that moment. Our family and friends are excited and look forward to the "new arrival", and I fully believe it will be just as celebrated as the two babies we did conceive, carry and deliver.

When I consider the questions concerning my ability to love our future baby, I am also reminded of how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with Matthew... scared and excited at the same time. The adoption path is new to me, just as motherhood once was new to me.

I remember being pregnant with Matthew and asking myself, "Will I really love this baby?"  "Will I be a good mother?" In truth, the fear of not loving Matthew vanished the instant I saw his little face. And as for being a good mother.. all any parent can do is their best and be a loving, praying parent for their children.

When I was pregnant with Gabe I worried again.  "What if I didn't love Gabe as much as I love Matthew?"  What if I'm not able to share my love equally?" "What if one feels slighted or less favored?" The reality in this is that children are human, and "That's not fair" and "He's your favorite" are going to be a part of their vocabulary eventually. There is no escaping sibling rivalry. With age and maturity that may or may not change. But as a parent you love BOTH of your babies for the individuals that they are.  Do you love them the same? No. They are unique individuals, and you love them in unique ways. Do you love them equally? Well, how can you measure love at all? 

Would you be lost without either one of them? Yes.

Would you do anything for them? Yes.

Would you give your life to save theirs? Yes.

Then, yes, you love them equally. 
No need to question the small details when the biggest questions give you the answer.

In conclusion, adoption is very new to us, but we look forward to all the experiences that we'll have along the way.  We look forward to meeting our beautiful new baby, and welcoming her into our family.  To us, she already is. We are excited about the idea that little Gabe is going to be a big brother, and we know that he will be just as amazing in the role as Matthew has been.  :) I cannot say enough about how good God has been to us and about how great are the works He does in our lives. Just when you think you are blessed beyond belief, He does it again! Nothing is bigger than our God.  No matter how big the task he calls us to, our God is faithful, and He will meet our needs and see us through to the ending.